Five reasons I will not be attending Coachella in 2009…or ever:

1. I hate multi-stage concerts and mega-concert venues. Sure, lots of acts in one place seems like a cool thing and a sweet deal, but frankly, I don’t like crappy bands and I generally don’t like people, and there are far too many of both at a show like this. Quantity is not the same as quality.
2. A show can’t be all things to all fans. Most of the bands performing over the three-day lineup are of no interest to me whatsoever, with the exception of the following: TV On The Radio, Booker T, Clipse, Fucked Up, My Bloody Valentine (just for old time’s sake), and X (again, for old time’s sake). Six 30-minute sets over three days? Shit. Given the ticket price (see #3), the math just doesn’t work. Especially considering that most of the bands on the Coachella lineup that I would like to see will play in my area soon enough, at much smaller venues.
3. Ticket prices are outrageous. 3-Day passes: $269.00 + $3 charity + applicable service fees. Single Day Tickets: $99.00 + $1 charity + applicable service fees. Add those ticket prices to the costs of tansportation, lodging, and (way overpriced) food and water and booze and drugs, and that’s a lot of money to pay just to be uncomfortably close to legions of shirtless fratboy chads and screaming dingbat beckys.
4. More than a music fan, you are a target market. Consider this: There are two- and three-payment plans in a “layaway” option for ticket buyers who can’t pony up all the cash for entrance at once. If prospective concert goers can’t make all their payments, they forfeit their tickets and the money they spent up until the last payment. Naturally, there’s also plenty of crap merch to spend your hard-earned loot on, too, like T-Shirts, DVDs, posters, a handbag, and hoodies and scarves (because the Indio desert is a frigid fucking wasteland in late April). You don’t even have to go the show to give ‘em money and free marketing: Buy some swag online and make your friends think you’re hip from the comfort of your home. Nothing says “rock cred” like a T-shirt.
5. People like this:

]]> http://maxonemillion.com/2009/02/14/coachella-lame-2009/feed/ 2 http://maxonemillion.com/2009/01/31/fight-for-your-right-to-party/ http://maxonemillion.com/2009/01/31/fight-for-your-right-to-party/#comments Sat, 31 Jan 2009 08:40:06 +0000 Max Sidman http://maxonemillion.com/?p=445 Continue reading →]]>

I lived in Chico, CA. for a good while — college and beyond, about 10 years total. It’s a wild place, a sort of perpetually restless place. The Chico I lived in doesn’t really exist any more, but some things never change. This got passed to me earlier today by a recipient of the original e-mail dispatch, who shall remain nameless:

A message from BUTTE COLLEGE

Which brings me to yesterday morning… Look at that fucked up, soaked-out coffee cup up there. That cuppa joe is only 10 minutes old, but it looks like it’s been sitting around all day. It’s fucking pathetic. And the fact that someone would pass that off as an acceptable receptacle for hot beverage is just wrong.

As you might be able to tell from the photo, the rim at the top of the cup has a severe wrinkle in it, essentially turning it into a perfectly shaped pour spout. Somehow the dude at Peet’s managed to get the lid to stay on the cup as I walked out to my car, but as soon as got about a block away, the lid popped, and I had to hold it down while I drove…and I drive a car with a manual transmission, so that shit wasn’t easy. I managed to prevent it from spilling all over the inside of my car by keeping most of the hot liquid overspill concentrated on my hand. Fucking wonderful.

So to you, the Peet’s guy… Look man, I know you’re a coffee shop employee, and I know your job probably sucks (I worked in a coffee shop in my youth, and that shit sucked), but if you can’t pay the least bit of attention and employ the kind of basic quality control to keep an obviously structurally unsound coffee cup from going out full of hot coffee, I don’t have much faith in you doing anything beyond working in a fucking coffee shop for the rest of your life.

God damn.

FOUNDERS OF F-YEAH FEST AND VIDEOTHING.COM ALLEGEDLY BEATEN BY SECURITY GUARDS AFTER RADIOHEAD SHOW

I was a bouncer all through college — I’m a pretty big dude, quick enough, and I know a thing or two about pugilism; and though I’ve certainly had my ass handed to me on a few occasions, I generally have a pretty good track record of taking care of that kind of business when the need has arisen. I’ve also been on both sides of bar and music venue security scuffles, so I’ve seen plenty of shit like this through the eyes of both bouncer and patron: ‘roid-raging bouncers using their matching yellow “SECURITY” emblazoned polo shirts and wind breakers as an excuse to work out their small penis complexes on people who obviously didn’t stand a chance; and bar patrons and show-goers acting so extremely out of control that whatever beatings they took for their indiscretions where at the very least necessary, and at most totally deserved.

No matter how it starts or how it ends, situations like these always suck.

But this story, as told by the victims, is totally out of pocket, and after reading that account in the LA Weekly‘s music blog, I have hard time believing that neither security at the Hollywood Bowl nor the LAPD can provide any justification or explanation whatsoever for the events that allegedly transpired. I only use the word “allegedly” as a legal cushion; the tale is so extreme, and the police and security company’s response so half assed, that there’s obviously something wonky going on.

Moral of the story, no mater who’s right or wrong: If you decide to shoot photos or video of security guards or police stepping over the line, just make sure they don’t see you with the camera in hand.

Iggy & The Stooges are on tour right now, and yesterday in Montreal, Canada, some fucking goontard stole their van, which was packed with all their gear.

This is the worst thing that can happen to a band, and before anyone out there says, “Oh they’re rich they can buy new stuff,” keep in mind that, with the exception of Iggy, none of these guys are rock stars. Watt (not an original member of The Stooges, but just as important of a player in the pantheon of punk rock) is still playing the same bass (that amazing Gibson EB-3 picture above) that he bashed out so many great Minutemen and Firehose songs on. I can’t even imagine how bad it hurts to lose something like that.

BoingBoing.net reports:

Iggy and The Stooges are in the middle of a huge tour and this is a disaster — not to mention some rare kit gone forever. Please help if you can. If anyone who reads this and lives in or near Montreal, Canada or if anyone has information, ANY INFORMATION! please, please, PLEASE as soon as possible contact Eric Fischer at: nycentral13@gmail.com, cell phone: +1 646 932 1907

IGGY AND THE STOOGES
EQUIPMENT STOLEN ON AUGUST 4, 2008
OUTSIDE THE EMBASSY SUITES HOTEL
208 SAINT ANTOINE OUEST,
MONTREAL, QUEBEC, CANADA

all equipment was in a rented penske 15 foot yellow truck with u.s. (michigan) license plate number AC46493 parked immediately outside the hotel, the theft had to have happened in the morning, between 6:30 and 7:30 am…

That is absolutely horrible. Fortunately, The Stooges’ tour will hobble along on borrowed and rented equipment.

There’s a text list of the missing gear at BoingBoing.net, and photos of most of what was taken at Watt’s Hootpage site…

PS: Look at Watt’s bass rig. Fucking awesome.

Sam Adato’s Drum Shop, a staple of San Francisco’s SoMA neighborhood, was recently violated by some dumbass who drove an SUV through the storefront. Apparently the driver got out and ran after driving through the front wall.

Sam’s place is a well-loved local spot. Hopefully it’ll be open again soon. To see the extent of the damage, click here…